February 27, 2009

February 24, 2009

Zestfully Clean (Dog Lesson 246-Y.71)

Sometimes, when you leave for work and it's still dark out, it's a good idea to drag out a really bright light (maybe the one you keep in the interrogation room if you have access to such a thing) and check what you're wearing. I don't mean that you should check for the usual things, like do the colours go together, do you have loose threads... though it certainly doesn't hurt to check these too. No, what I'm talking about is much more nefarious than what you can spot with a quick check in the mirror by the door before you leave. Worse even than little tiny woven-into-your-clothes Ridgeback hairs. It's dog SLOBBER. I have a terrific, down-filled, puffy, full-length black coat I wear on really cold days. Walking the dogs, going to work, whatever. This is the best coat ever. Let me tell you something. When a dog (and we know it wasn't Seth) slobbers all over you in exuberance each and every time he executes a perfect recall at the park, it adds up. Apparently, my wiping off the visible wet globs from the nylon surface of the coat really wasn't accomplishing much. Today I had a mid-afternoon appointment that had me outside in the fullness of a crisp, bright Alberta-blue-sky day. Have you seen the Dove soap commercial with the two ladies in their post-shower towels and the 'artist rendition' of what soap scum looks like on their bodies? Smeared, wiped and dried dog slobber on a black winter coat looks much the same. Oh yeah, I was hot today baby.


February 14, 2009

Dog Proof

My...what a long tongue you have. Presumably, you also have very large teeth. And a penchant for chewing items best left unchewed. Items, say, like power cords for the air purifier. Lucky for us Norm is a pretty handy guy. It's also a good thing that he rarely throws stuff out (often to my annoyance, but sometimes it's a blessing). Take for example that old showerhead - the one with the long metal hose that kept coming loose. Don't ask me why he kept it. Maybe for a day just like this one. For the second time, Rory has chewed through the power cord for the air purifier. I know, I know, I could put the unit on the counter, but (1) I can't stand stuff on the counter, and (2) the dog hair starts at dog level. So, it's on the floor underneath a counter in the kitchen. And now it's better than new. Think bionic. We can rebuild it. Norm fixed the cord and gave it a full metal jacket. Brilliant.

Seth's look is patently "I warned you. I told you puppies are a pain in my ass."

February 2, 2009

Walkie Talkies, not just another 80's toy

Okay, my blog – my prerogative. Today isn’t about the dogs. It’s about the guy in front of me in a lineup on Saturday morning (if it helps the dog-lovers out there, I was on my way to walk the dog, but I had to stop for coffee first) and every other walkie talkie out there. WHY WHY WHY do you insist on having maniacally loud social cell phone conversations while you are in public? Now that everybody in the coffee shop knows where you live, who your wife is and how many kids you have, and that you are going to the Hitmen game tonight….well, let’s just say that certain people might be inclined to use that information for less than happy purposes. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. And another thing, the person you are on the phone with cannot see your amazing full-body gesticulating, so STOP WAVING YOUR ARMS AROUND and you’ll likely find that (a) you won’t knock over displays of coffee, and (b) you won’t bump into the person behind you. Just speculating, but you probably fit in really well with those people on sidewalks and in crosswalks with a cell phone plugged into the side of their heads, totally oblivious that they are walking against the light or are otherwise in mortal danger of becoming so much road kill (likely because buddy driving the truck heading straight for said crosswalk is also on his cell phone). Honestly, there should be a rule.

Righto. And it was a lovely walk too. Next time, I’ll get Norm out of bed to make me a latte to go.